Essay

I Kinda Get Smoking Now

By: Brynn Brichet, 08/30/2020

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I’d always been a buzzkill when it came to my friends or family members smoking cigarettes (except when I’d tried it myself, of course). “Why do it? This is crazy! You’re killing yourselves! You smell terrible!” But now, during this time of quarantine, while juggling conference calls and kids alongside generalized anxiety…I kinda get it.
Forget the nicotine or actual smoke, I think smokers are onto something.
After a particularly stressful moment in the day, when I find myself with a tightness in my chest and a moment to acknowledge it…I feel the urge to smoke a pretend cigarette.
I sit in front of my computer, lift my empty fingers to my mouth, take in a deep inhale, hold it for a moment, and slowly blow all the “smoke” out. Then repeat. I’m doing it even now.
I feel calmer. My chest begins to relax. I take another imaginary drag.
If I had an actual cigarette in my hand, this would be a socially acceptable breathing exercise that could be done in public without even a side eye.
Someone stepping out to sit in lotus pose or even just to breathe deeply without looking at his or her phone would likely be a little odd to see on a street corner, warranting at least a second glance or some level of concern.
A smoker staring off into nothingness, taking in a long drag, still and silent…is totally normal. The smoker looks intense and pensive, surely lost in deep, meaningful thought. Or blowing off steam and regrouping. In any case, it fits our mental model of what’s acceptable in public.
Not only that, the smoker gets to easily excuse him- or herself from any social setting or awkward moment. “I’m going for a smoke” doesn’t get the same head tilt as “I’m going to go breathe deeply outside for a little while.” Smokers even have volunteers to go with them! A social support network where all that’s expected is breathing (in smoke). They’re even actively recruiting! “Want a drag? Come on, it’s cool. Everybody’s doing it. Come breathe (in smoke) deeply with us.”
If only collective breathing groups had the same allure. Though deep breathing techniques have long been shown to have positive impacts on our health and well-being, taking the time to employ a breathing exercise too often falls on the guilt-ridden “things I should be doing” list.
For smokers, it’s habit.
So, as we embark on the next god-only-knows-how-many days of quarantine, let’s all metaphorically light up! Deathsticks aside, let’s step out on our balconies, front stoops, or lean our heads out of windows for a nice long drag of good ol’ air.

The End

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