Essay

What It Was, What It Is: Focusing on Oneself

By: Pat LaPointe, 3/15/2012 1:02:39 AM

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We’ve all heard it before: The last person upon whom a woman will focus is herself. There are husbands, children, parents and jobs for which we give our all. How many times have we put off or ignored doing something that is a “just for me” task? I think I speak for a lot of women when I answer “very often”.

Some of this behavior goes back to our childhood when we wanted to be perceived as the “good girl”. Most of us can remember times when we wanted to assert ourselves and say “no” when asked/told to perform some arbitrary action or behave in a particular way. But the risk of losing our good girl image and ultimately the positive connection with the person asking/telling was too great, or perhaps we would suffer other, more negative consequences or even punishment.

So we go about being the good mother, good wife, good daughter or good worker. We view not always doing what others need first as being “selfish”, which we perceive as being as nasty as a four letter word.

But just as we have heard this all before, we have likely heard how draining and damaging such an approach to life can be. We are often left not only with little time for ourselves, but less energy, little motivation to change, and a whole lot of guilt.

But, change we must. Because in always putting someone else first, we may also be giving over our power, a power we need to make a change, to lead a more healthy, fulfilling life.

If you are a woman who has shifted her focus to include more “me” time, I applaud you! This focus is one which I have just recently allowed to guide my own life. Although it comes late in my life, I am feeling the benefits: losing weight, living a healthier life and unleashing greater creativity. To explain how this came about would take several pages. I hope to tell that story in a later column.
This month’s essays tell how two other women are reaping the rewards for becoming more “self” focused. Enjoy them while you take a few minutes for yourself.

Changes In Life

Becoming the woman you were meant to be

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