Essay

What It Was- What It Is: January, 2012

By: Pat LaPointe, 1/15/2012 2:52:05 PM

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January has traditionally been the time to think about and plan for the future. Inherent in making these plans is a review of the past. As we evaluate the thoughts, attitudes and behaviors of our past, we begin to sort out what to keep and what to rid ourselves of.
Many women, especially those at mid-life and beyond were raised by women who were discouraged to voice their opinions and/or outwardly express their needs. It has been difficult for some women to rid themselves of the belief that what they say is unimportant and that the only way to have their needs met was by being passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive approaches are characteristically filled with giving hints, withholding information and negative emotions. Getting one’s needs met as a result of this behavior is not only exhausting, but can also create less than satisfying feelings.
So, maybe in reviewing our past in order to plan for the future, we should try to recall the times when we felt that our voices, our experiences were left un-validated or deemed invalid, and, although we eventually received what we wanted, it left us feeling a bit “blah”.
My suggestion for this month and beyond is to be direct in expressing our needs, to label passive-aggression as “What it was” and assertive, direct approaches as “What it is”.

This month you can read how Linda Silfies found her voice in “Inner Changes”; and how Angie Brown received long awaited validation in her essay: “Mama”

Changes In Life

Becoming the woman you were meant to be

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